I'm sorry
by VampireFreak
Summary: Severus Snape, fed up of the taunting and pain he has to put up with tries to rid himself of life but instead finds himself saved by James Potter... again. Rated for attempted suicide and mild violence One shot


A/n although it's kind of my normal deal… it's not… firstly I'm screwing Harry Potter up completely… as I'm making it James/Severus, so Harry isn't born… although there MAY be a child somewhere in the mix, though I doubt there will be… unless I decide to do a sequel secondly… there's going to be Sirius bashing. I love Sirius to pieces but I'm going to have him, on the light side, but very violent and cruel to people… including his friends… and lastly I don't think Voldermort is mentioned at all… so this is an even bigger AU ... so yes… don't like the sound of it, don't read it. Simple as that.

--

I cried as I pulled the blade over my thin wrists. I wasn't crying from the pain, I was crying from my humiliation. James Potter, the leader of the Marauders. The one person who led me to despise even myself. I pulled it over my wrist slightly higher up and it was deeper. I heard footsteps walking towards where I'm sitting but I can't see anyone. The footsteps quickened to a run and I felt someone take my wrist and a cloth, obviously ripped from whoever this was clothes, and someone wrapped it around my wrists and healed my cuts as best they could. There was a sigh.

"Merlin Severus why did you do this?" Came a familiar voice. I couldn't work out who it was though. It annoyed me slightly I wanted to know. A hand stroked my face and I couldn't help but lean into the touch. I closed my eyes. "You're so beautiful…" I looked up to see no one but I knew someone was still there. I looked with shocked eyes as a kiss was pressed to my forehead. "Why?" A simple question, I didn't really want to answer, but I knew I had to.

"Nothing left… I have been taunted for so long. I'm nothing." A gasp came from the invisible boy in front of me.

"I'm so sorry… I never meant to. It's just my friends… they said they'd leave me if I didn't… if I didn't continue to taunt you… they're all I have." There's only four boys who taunt me and value their friends… I think for a moment it could be Remus under that cloak, he always seemed the kindest of them, even though he is a werewolf. I can see teardrops splatter on the floor. "I never wanted this." I feel myself reach out and pull off the invisibility cloak. I'm shocked to see who it was. I looked at James Potter who was looking to the floor with confusion. I have no idea why the boy who made me feel so much loathing and hatred is crying about me causing this. When he raised his head to look up at me tears run down his face. His tears turned into sobs as his eyes flash down to my wrists then back up at me. I'm almost sure he can see pure loathing in my eyes as he flinches from our eye contact. I smirk. "I'm so sor sorry." He hiccupped through his sobs. He then looked to the floor again. I must admit I have never seen James look so lost.

"You know you did this to me… you made me hurt so much… you're a bully and I hate you." The hurt in his eyes was unmistakable. I watched as James swallowed. He picked up his cloak, stood up and ran.

I watch after James not knowing what to think. I have no idea what to think… Had it been some cruel joke? Though I'm not sure if anyone could act like that. That's when a thought came to mind

_Flashback_

A snapping wolf at his heels, he tried to escape. He needed to escape, but he feared his life. He knew the wolf was a werewolf and could tare him to shreds or worse turn him into one too. He wasn't sure how he didn't figure it out before, Lupin was always ill/ visiting someone, always some excuse to miss a few days, always around the full moon. Severus and Sirius Black argued and Sirius let slip how to find out where Remus Lupin went in the full moon, Severus was curious. He was thinking of the muggle phrase, curiosity killed the cat and he was almost certain that his curiosity had killed him. That was until a stag came bolting towards the werewolf. It seemed to heard him back into the shrieking shack… he was left breathing heavily. When James Potter exited the from under the whomping willow a howling sounding from the shrieking shack… Severus knew James had saved him, though he was unsure why.

"Are you ok Severus?" His name on James lips sounded odd to him. He could only nod. "You shouldn't have been there… and Sirius should NEVER have told you where to go." James voice was angry as he continued to rant. He was angry at his friend for putting someone in danger.

From the lack of air in his lungs and his tiredness, Severus closed his eyes. When James looked over at Severus he smiled slightly and cupped Severus' face and stroked the other boys cheek. He thought Severus was asleep. Severus on the other hand at what James was doing. A small kiss was placed on his forehead.

"I promise, it'll all be okay love, I wont let anyone hurt you." James hand was pulled away suddenly.

"What are you doing with him!" The unmistakable voice of Sirius hissed. "Are you mad? Argh, it's horrible to even think that … you just touched him! What's worse you kissed his forehead. Yuck! Oh God, James what the fuck do you think you're up to!"

"I was helping him Sirius. You nearly got him killed… we would have been expelled… I was seeing if he was okay not a scratch on him, oh and I wasn't kissing him, you were behind me. I was bending over to check his head over. You know Remus isn't the best with aim in his wolf form…" Severus thought he heard the sound of a slap but he couldn't be sure. He did hear James sniffle though. Hissed words from Sirius came but Severus was too tired to hear them… though he did hear.

"You can have him or us James. Just remember James without us you are nothing."

_End Flashback._

I'd thought it a dream when I woke up the next morning. I think I may have been wrong now. After this anyway. James seemed so hurt when I told him I hated him. I do hate him though. His cruel laughter haunts me but now his sobs and cries, they haunt me more than his laughter. I know I'm going to have to seek him out. I know I won't be able to not know if he likes me or not maybe he doesn't it could be a cruel joke and a stupid dream but I need to know. I pick myself off the ground and follow the direction James went. though I'm pretty sure he won't be around. I've been sitting there a good hour at least just thinking about James.

I was shocked to see I was wrong. James was sat huddled into a corner. When I walked towards him I heard the hissed voice of Sirius. When James spotted me, his eyes begged me to leave, though I'm not sure why. I see a hand pull James off the floor tugging him to his feet, I watch an arm back slap James back to the floor. James looks to me again begging me to understand. His head is screaming, I'm starting to wish I hadn't learnt Legilimens as I pushed into his mind I heard, 'Severus run, don't look back, don't let him see you, he's not happy please I can't let him hurt you again.' Over and over, screaming. This couldn't be an act no one knows I can do Legilimens. No one even knows I can do it normally let alone wandless and silently.

"What did I tell you James?" James didn't answer and Sirius came into view. I moved to the shadows, Sirius slapped him again. "James?"

"You told me not to look at, talk to or touch Severus Snape again sir." Sir came out of James mouth as if it was a normal thing.

"Yes pet I did. Have you kept to it?" James swallowed. I worry. As I know he hasn't kept to it. Lie, I think to myself. Then I play back. Pet? Was James a slave to his best friend. It seems almost like a master servant way. Then again Sirius is a Black… it wouldn't shock me to see him like this… "James?" A hiss.

"No Sir I have not." Sirius glared. "Sorry Sir…" A slap followed by continuous kicking's to the stomach. I know I have to intervene as the kicks grown harder and blood pores from James. I watch James tight lipped refusing to scream as he curls up into a ball. He seems too weak.

"Black! What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Sirius smirks at me.

"As so the lover comes out to play?" What? I am not James' lover. I look down at James blooded pleading face. I want to cry but I know I need to stay strong and not breakdown.

"I am no ones lover Black." I glare toward him and he glares right back at me. Small sobs escape James lips. I glance down at him and in that second the cruticus curse is shot towards me. I prepare for pain but feel none as I open my eyes to screams, James had taken the curse for me. He was so weak but he'd managed to stand and get hit saving me from it. I gasped. As the screams fill the halls I am slightly glad. A professor will come, Sirius must know that too as he runs off. I kneel down next to James and wait for the curse to die. Sirius hadn't stopped the curse. If he didn't have it taken off by Sirius' wand soon, James would be driven into insanity and finally death. "James? Concentrate on me James not the pain" I hope this works. James opens his hazel eyes at me, which are full of pain.

"Hurts." I wouldn't know, I'd never been under before. I take James and lift him to sit, though he tries to escape my grasp and curl on the floor. I keep him up and bring my lips to his.

I keep kissing him, not the most romantic of first kisses, but James responded. He whimpered with pain but he kept going, my tongue slipped into his mouth and our tongues battled. I think the pain is dying down. Though I can't be sure. I pull back for air but his whimpers become louder and I have to stop him. He can't go crazy. He can't die, as I need to know.

Sirius rushes back around the corner a look of disgust on his face. He points and shouts to someone that James is here. I move from James quickly and grab Sirius' wand to counter the spell, James breaths heavily. I glare at Sirius and he backhanded me. Two seconds later, I'm bound to a wall and teachers are coming towards us.

"I bound him to a wall before I left… Merlin James are you okay mate?" Fake concern. James tries to talk but he can't from his screams. The professors all tell him not to talk. James glares at Sirius and points towards him. I try to speak but I find myself unable. I watch James try to crawl towards me and as the professors talk among themselves about what to do with the situation they don't notice as Sirius crushes James fingers with his boots. I glare and James whimpers. That's when Poppy walks through the corridors humming happily, she then levitates James and takes him to the hospital wing, Sirius following with his false concern still plastered on his face.

_The next day_

I've been locked into a room in the tower and I'm not sure I'm coming out again. I think the dementors are coming for me, andMerlin I hope they aren't… I have so many bad memories I'm sure to die in Azkaban after a mere week. Being soulless wouldn't be much better.

The door opens and a silent James looks towards me face full of concern. He kneels to where I am sitting and his left hand reaches towards me and he traces the bruise on my left cheek from the slap I received for Black the day before. I notice his right hand is in some sort of muggle plaster. He looks angry momentarily before he pulls me towards me for a gentle kiss. He traces something on me though I can't work out the letters. He wants me to understand. I dip into his mind. 'Severus, I can't talk… I ruined my voice box through my screams and it can't be fixed for at least another six months… I wish you could hear me love.'

"I can hear you…" He doesn't look all that surprised.

'I can't tell them you didn't do it… Sirius told Pomfrey to let my fingers heal naturally and not magically as I've been through so much magic… I can't talk or write.' He looked down… he looked so weak and lost. He should have told me so much earlier.

"You could show them through actions instead then." He gives a sheepish smile and nods. James shuffles close to me and rests his head on my chest and I don't even think as I start stroking his hair. I feel myself drift off and I notice James is too… so I don't fight the sleep which is coming.

_Dumbledore's POV_

Interesting discovery. James' attacker is currently snuggled up to James with a small smile on his face, a rare sight indeed. James' head resting on Severus' chest. It's an odd picture I must say, though it is more believable than Sirius' tale. I think Sirius may be lying about something. We shall see when the trail comes up… though I'm sure everyone won't mind waiting an hour or two for the pair to wake up. There's something in this I don't want to disturb.

_An hour later and back to Severus' POV_

I open my eyes and smile as I still see James snuggled up to me, though he looks scared. He's so broken, how could I never have seen this… he'd never really looked like he was truly all there, eyes never light up when he smiled at his 'friends' and he always looked like he wanted to be somewhere else. I don't know maybe I'm imagining things. I still can't forgive him for all that he did though…

_Flashback_

"Oh Snapey honey. Be a dear will you… do something for me. Something interesting and funny." They'd cornered him. He knew this way was a dead end but when you worry, you do stupid things and end up in a worse situation. He turned to the four and glared. He hated them all. "Imperio." He wouldn't be able to stop them now, the curse was yet to be made illegal, though it was being debated over. James had spoken and had cast the spell though Sirius was the one to order him to strip. Tears fell down his face as he stripped off his clothes item by item. Trying to fight off the curse he cried more.

"Snape, hurry up." Severus's clothes came off quickly and easily. Wearing nothing in front of the others. Smirks graced the lips of the four. Though James' smirk seemed to falter. Severus looked towards them pleading with them to stop. He followed their every instruction. Taking him through the school wearing nothing. Sickly deeds they made him do, including biting into the flesh of a live rabbit. Blood in his mouth. Taunts of vampire thrown after him. When they let him dress again, Sirius didn't let it stop. Once in a busy hallway, Sirius whispered snidely into Severus's ear. Desperately trying to fight the curse, he failed as a wet patch came to Severus' trousers. Cruel laughter followed as they realised the curse and he ran.

_End Flashback_

The most humiliating day of my life. Though James wasn't happy about doing it… well I don't think he was happy about it, he still did but I wonder what would have been in store for James if he hadn't. I'm still stroking his hair not minding his silky locks running through my fingers. He wakes up yawning silently and looks up at me softly smiling before realising where we are… Dumbledore walks through the door looking at us with amusement and strangely throws my wand back to me. I catch it smiling. It's good to have my wand back.

"Through a powerful truth spell we found that Sirius Black was lying about a few things, he's been charged for attempted murder and sent to Azkaban with a life sentence. You two are free to go." That damn twinkle in his eye is reflected in James' as he kisses me affectionately. Dumbledore winks at us before exiting the tower.

I smiled down at James who was in my arms as he snuggled into me… I think I could live with this…

--

A/n there really isn't enough of this pairing around... I love it! They will be another one much like this one but quite a bit different next time I update... I know I shouldn't do ones that are alike but I wrote them both at different times... and forgot I wrote this one before hand... so yeah... I'm putting them both up at some point... I hope you like it.


End file.
